Over the years I have had to experience many losses that were a result of someone taking their own life. As I grieved these people, some of them very close to me, I had to listen to numerous people tell me their souls were going to be assigned to hell. Hearing these opinions never once brought me any comfort or relief. As I worked through these issues over the years I came to a much different opinion on the topic of suicide. I was able to feel and know of some of these spirits that had passed, and never did I experience any sense of torment, torture, or what one would consider hell. These experiences kept me asking the right questions related to suicide. I wanted to know what they experienced once they passed, I wanted to know that they lived again, and I wanted to know they were happy wherever they were. Because I remained faithful and curious, over time I was able to come to some answers to these questions.
I desire to share the things I’ve learned about suicide with anyone and everyone willing to hear them. I want to do everything I can to put an end to the unnecessary suffering of those of us left behind to grieve their passings. Suicide has been a topic of much taboo in religious circles, and I find it so troubling because never in the history of the world have more people taken their lives than now. Even if you choose to look to the bible there is a scripture that I believe reinforces my beliefs and experiences related to this topic. Jeremiah 17;10 says, “I the Lord search the heart, I try the reins, even to give every man according to his ways, and according to the fruit of his doings.” I do not believe that those of us suffering the most upon the face of this earth, that choose to take their lives, are then sent to hell for seeking relief. Those are not the actions of a loving Father in Heaven.
I have lost 2 of my best friends on this earth to suicide. When these people took their lives, they left some truly beautiful children that they loved dearly behind. I was blessed to experience both of these souls after their passings, and I experienced them differently. My female friend came to me in dreams numerous times. When she came to me, she wanted me to deliver messages of love to her children, and to teach them about where she was and that she was not suffering but was with them. Through these experiences, I came to learn things she shared with me. She showed me that the moment she took her life she regretted it. She shared with me the value of our bodies, she showed me how limited she felt without the ability to express herself physically, verbally, and with emotion. Her soul was completely free, but she felt imprisoned to a degree by her inability to communicate with those she so deeply loved. She expressed to me what a gift and miracle the human body is to us. She showed me that the body is the way by which we come to prove our love and dedication to God and others. She continues to learn and grow but expressed that doing those things beyond the veil, without the support of loved ones, was not ideal.
Another thing I’ve learned from this experience is that her priorities changed the moment she took her life. She expressed a desire to change her focus while on the earth. She felt tricked by the adversary into making the things that have no meaning beyond the veil her priorities. She was raised very poor, and she worked very hard to avoid her sons having to endure those hardships and embarrassments. Beyond the veil, she was able to see that the poverty she endured should have served her well. The very things she worked so hard to keep her sons from having to experience would have helped them to gain the characteristics necessary to overcome the trials they later struggled to endure. She expressed to me that she, herself, was at peace and in a place where she was deeply loved and accepted for exactly who she was. Her struggle or suffrage was in relation to what she left behind and the work she was unable to finish. If people want to assign a person that has committed suicide to a “hell” this would be what they are describing.
Having experienced many, many passings, including suicides, I believe that there is a deeper level of suffering associated with grieving someone that has taken their life. We ask ourselves, what could I have done differently? why didn’t I do this, or that? And this is also part of the suffering one must endure when they take their lives. I’ve seen how those that have taken their lives suffer with the inability to ease the grief they have caused in the lives of those they love most. If a person feels the need to assign “hell” to this process, this is what they are talking about.
My other friend that was a male showed me the complete opposite. He had been a man frequently accustomed to grief as a part of his profession. I was deeply distraught when I lost this person and was sick at home when I spoke out loud to him and he was there. He showed me that he was completely at peace. The things he showed me were beautiful to behold and he carried absolutely no shame in relation to his passing. To the contrary, he showed me how his life had been a blessing to so many and they were there awaiting his arrival, almost as if his death was planned, or timely. He was completely and utterly loved, and it was a love he had rarely if ever, felt on earth. He cried tears of joy as he interacted with others there with him as the scene faded from my vision.
After this experience, I was completely clueless as to what I had experienced regarding his “timely passing”. After thinking, pondering, and especially praying for many months, I was able to come to the conclusion that people were prepared and awaiting his passing because Heavenly Father always knew he would be arriving then. As I struggled to understand it, I was finally shown what suicide really was. Ready for this? Before we come to Earth, we are given the opportunity to choose the things we’ll learn while here upon the earth. Of course, we have no idea what learning certain things will require us to go through, and even if we were told, we would have no way of measuring how difficult these things would be. We are without bodies, so pain is an unknown, grief is the same as are many other things we may desire to learn from. I believe that sometimes we think we can do more than we are capable of. I believe that our Father in Heaven may warn us that these things may require too much of us, but I believe that he allows us to choose. Now whether we are capable of 5 minutes more, a day more, or even no more than we hope to accomplish our Heavenly Father understands that we desired MORE. We wanted to give that much more of ourselves to his service. When we find that we cannot accomplish these things we may take our life. Our Father in Heaven then does as it says in Jeremiah 17;1 “I the Lord search the heart, I try the reins, even to give every man according to his ways, and according to the fruit of his doings.”.
Now whether or not it is exactly like this I cannot say with certainty, but I can say that it is something very similar to this. Our loving Father in Heaven does not take the most broken, abused, and desperate of us and further punish us, of this I can assuredly testify. I’ve known of a young man that had committed suicide being dropped off at the MTC beyond the veil, and I had absolutely no idea that there was an MTC beyond the veil. After this experience, it only made sense that there would be one, though. To be clear suicide is not an option to choose, there is always a sense of regret associated with the action, always. I just mean to make sense of what has been left unsaid for so many years. Hold fast to the faith that those we lose to this insidious action will be ours again and are working to bring souls unto Christ and working to be worthy of their highest possible degree of glory.